When I was a young kid, I was adopted.  Before that, I had the privilege of living with an incredible family.  But before that I lived with a mother that drank too much, had two kids, and no way to take care of them.   

Today I drove by the hospital where I was born.  It’s been almost 31 years since I last saw the place, and though my memory is a little shady, it seems to me it’s changed a bit.  I didn’t intend to drive by; I was just following the GPS on my way to the grocery store.  It caught me off guard, and I slowed down a little, but I didn’t stop.  It’s the same way I interact with my early childhood.

Every now and then I slow down, and think about how things could be different.  How I could have a different family, different friends, and a whole different life.  Mostly I feel relief that I don’t.  Sometimes I feel anger, and other times a longing.  For what, I’m not exactly sure, as it’s elusive and complicated.  I don’t stop to wallow anymore though because it’s just a part of my past that I  know I’ll never be able to fully reconcile with.  I used to spend hours imagining how my life could be different.  How maybe I would have been smarter, or more popular, or prettier if I had grown up with my biological family.  Yes, I know, I was young and disillusioned, and let’s face it, a little dumb.  My mother was an alcoholic, she couldn’t provide the basic necessities of life, let alone the emotional guidance a young girl needs. 

Hindsight is always 20/20.  So many unnecessary tears shed over the whys and ifs.  Why didn’t she try harder?  If she had really loved me, she would have gotten sober, figured out a way to keep me, and my life would have been perfect.  A fairy tale.  You know, “And they lived happily ever after…”

It took living my life to realize that apart from God, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT!  There is only my perfectly imperfect family, my crazy friends, my delightfully rebellious son, and me.  The me that is only here because all of these less than perfect events took place.

So here I sit, not far from where it all started.  My little boy squirming on the couch next to me, asking for help making balls out of “play-play.”  The delicious smells of dinner are finding their way into the living room and outside the window the leaves are blowing around the driveway, playfully enticing us to join them.  While the future remains uncertain, I can still say with confidence that I got my happily ever after, after all.

7 thoughts on “Untitled

  1. All I can say is I thank God, that in His providence, he saw fit to allow your imperfectly perfect life (and yes, I meant to say it that way) to cross paths with mine. My daughters’ childhoods are inextricably linked with yours. I don’t want to imagine how our lives would have been different if you had not been a part of them.

    All the times that Darcy stood on a kitchen chair, looking out the window, waiting for Kiki and Tiffi to come play.

    All the play practices.

    All the summer vacations in Chicago and Wisconsin.

    All the things that you have meant to my girls over the years.

    Your adoption into the Dalenberg family eventually allowed you to also become a part of the Difino family. For that I am incredibly grateful!!

  2. can i join linda in saying that i am glad that my life was intertwined with yours’…if only for a short 5 years?? (altho, it seems soooo much longer than that, HM does that to people) You cling to Truth, tiffer — EVERY day in EVERY situation.

  3. You are definately gifted in writing Tif. This moved me and stung a bit too! It’s not a bad thing, I am not often reminded of my experience when on fb. I would so love to talk to you. The parents (adoptive) of my daughter have finally given me permission to write directly to her (Katie) and I am truly anguished that I have not yet responded. I have wanted to speak with Kristie (she said I coud ask some questions of her) and I have wanted to talk to you too. After reading this I am impressed and encouraged how your perspective has changed, grown, matured! Any chance we can talk?? Linda Brown

    • Sure we can talk. Send me a message on FB, and I’ll shoot you my phone number. I’m on vacation right now, so maybe next week some time you could give me a call. Or feel free to email me any questions.

  4. WOW.
    You are definately blessed. I feel bad we didnt ever get to really talk about any of this stuff. You are an amazing women and a terrific mother, I think children who are adopted ponder the “what ifs” at some point in their lives. You were raised in a very loving family and that shows. I am happy that you were adopted into a family who obviously showered you with love and attention, and guided you down the right paths, yet let you make your own choices with no judgement passed. I love Ya. Hope you have a safe trip home and will keep my fingers crossed that you make your way up here again.XOXO

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