I took the whole baby home

Let me just start this off by saying this post is not a form of judgement on any parent or person that has different opinions than me.  It’s your child, your family, and your life.  Circumcising your son does NOT make you a bad parent or person.  I have lots of parent friends that have circumcised, and I love them, and look up to them, and value them.  These are my opinions, and just like you’re allowed to have yours, I’m allowed to have mine.  I just want to make that clear.

Also, I should point out that I use a lot of technical terms here.  There is some talk about sex as well.  I don’t believe in saying, “pee-pee” or “wee-wee” or anything of that sort.  My son has a penis and he has foreskin.  You don’t like it, don’t read it.

Until I found out that Rowan was a boy, I was CONVINCED that I was having a girl, so I didn’t really think about circumcision.  After learning that I was in fact having a boy, I still didn’t think about it.  I picked out a name, and a crib, and clothes, and carseat, and chose the diapers I would use, and got all the breastfeeding supplies I would need.  Then somewhere about 2/3 of the way through my pregnancy I was asked the million dollar question: “Are you going to circumcise your son?”  I didn’t have an answer, so I sort of stumbled through a lame explanation of, “I haven’t really decided, no, I don’t know.”

I talked it over with my partner at the time(who is a doctor) and I heard fact after fact on the subject.  I got a first hand recount of the actual physical process of cutting off the foreskin, and the pros and cons.  (Honestly, I don’t think there are many pros, if any.)   I did a little reading on it, but it didn’t take me long to decide that in no way did I want my child to have to go through unnecessary pain for a medical procedure the is not recommended by any medical organization in the world!  It also came down to the fact that it’s not my penis.  If my son decides to have himself circumcised as an adult, I will fully support that.

Here is a clip of an actual circumcision.  WARNING it is VERY graphic and difficult to watch!!!

When word of my choice got out, I had some defending of my decision to do.  I grew up in a Christian home, surrounded by Christian friends and family, so they wanted to know why I chose not to do something that was always done.  Yes, in the Old Testament, it does call for all Jewish boys that are eight days old to have their foreskin removed.

When God established mandatory circumcision to the Jews, the meaning was to show first-obedience, second-the blood was a sign of the covenant made between God and His people. It is the same reason why people would sacrifice animals. The blood was a sign of that alliance.

When all that blood was being shed and people still wouldn’t repent and change, God sent His Son to die on the cross and in so making the ultimate sacrifice. No more blood was necessary because by the blood of Jesus we all can be saved.

So in order to be saved today, God doesn’t want your blood, all you have to do is accept the blood of Christ as a price for your sins.

Romans 2:25-29 says:

For indeed circumcision is of value if you practice the Law; but if you are a transgressor of the Law, your circumcision has become uncircumcision.  So if the uncircumcised man keeps the requirements of the Law, will not his uncircumcision be regarded as circumcision?   And he who is physically uncircumcised, if he keeps the Law, will he not judge you who though having the letter of the Law and circumcision are a transgressor of the Law?   For he is not a Jew who is one outwardly, nor is circumcision that which is outward in the flesh .   But he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that which is of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter; and his praise is not from men , but from God .

Okay, pick your jaws up off the floor, I read the Bible, get over it.

Oh, one more verse:

1 Corinthians 12:18

“But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ”

So, see?  We aren’t called to circumcise.  My son is not going to be rejected from heaven because of his foreskin.   That issue is solved.

Then there are the physical issues surrounding circumcision.  Cleanliness is a big one.  The excuse that “A circumcised penis is easier to clean than an uncircumcised one” is really quite funny to me.  Well, yeah, I guess teaching my child to pull back a fold of skin and rinse under it every time he showers IS slightly harder than saying, “wash your penis” every time he bathes.  Really, it’s no different from washing any other body part.  You have to pull your ears forward to wash behind them.  Should we cute those off too?  Some claim there will be an odor if a penis isn’t cut.  Um, yeah.  There’s an odor with a cut penis as well.  Washing daily will eliminate this problem.  Study results are mixed over whether circumcising will reduce the risk of disease or infection.  In the case that it WOULD lessen the risk, the disease itself was so rare, that circumcising 10,000 babies to MAYBE lessen the risk of cancer in one man doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense.

Another issue is the cosmetic one.  My mom was concerned that by preschool my son would notice that he looks different from all the other boys.  For one, the circumcision rate is declining every year.  More boys are staying in tact than aren’t, so really by the time Rowan goes to school (IF he goes to school-I’m leaning towards homeschooling, but that’s a whole different post.), he’ll be in the majority, not the minority.  For another thing, he’s going to look different anyway.  He’ll be teased for something at one point in his life or another.  In the grand scheme of things, this will probably be a very minor difference.

Let’s not forget that the foreskin is there for a reason.  Several reasons, actually!

The foreskin has numerous protective, sensory, and sexual functions.

• Protection: Just as the eyelids protect the eyes, the foreskin protects the glans and keeps its surface soft, moist, and sensitive. It also maintains optimal warmth, pH balance, and cleanliness. The glans itself contains no sebaceous glands-glands that produce the sebum, or oil, that moisturizes our skin.1 The foreskin produces the sebum that maintains proper health of the surface of the glans.

• Immunological Defense: The mucous membranes that line all body orifices are the body’s first line of immunological defense. Glands in the foreskin produce antibacterial and antiviral proteins such as lysozyme.2 Lysozyme is also found in tears and mother’s milk. Specialized epithelial Langerhans cells, an immune system component, abound in the foreskin’s outer surface.3 Plasma cells in the foreskin’s mucosal lining secrete immunoglobulins, antibodies that defend against infection.4

• Erogenous Sensitivity: The foreskin is as sensitive as the fingertips or the lips of the mouth. It contains a richer variety and greater concentration of specialized nerve receptors than any other part of the penis.5 These specialized nerve endings can discern motion, subtle changes in temperature, and fine gradations of texture.5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

• Coverage During Erection: As it becomes erect, the penile shaft becomes thicker and longer. The double-layered foreskin provides the skin necessary to accommodate the expanded organ and to allow the penile skin to glide freely, smoothly, and pleasurably over the shaft and glans.

• Self-Stimulating Sexual Functions: The foreskin’s double-layered sheath enables the penile shaft skin to glide back and forth over the penile shaft. The foreskin can normally be slipped all the way, or almost all the way, back to the base of the penis, and also slipped forward beyond the glans. This wide range of motion is the mechanism by which the penis and the orgasmic triggers in the foreskin, frenulum, and glans are stimulated.

• Sexual Functions in Intercourse: One of the foreskin’s functions is to facilitate smooth, gentle movement between the mucosal surfaces of the two partners during intercourse. The foreskin enables the penis to slip in and out of the vagina nonabrasively inside its own slick sheath of self-lubricating, movable skin. The female is thus stimulated by moving pressure rather than by friction only, as when the male’s foreskin is missing.{www.noharmm.org}

After my son was born, people continued to ask me about my decision to not circumcise.  I half- joked that I “wanted to take the WHOLE baby home.”  At the time there was an ad campaign going on in Albuquerque(where my son was born) that stated just that.  Now there is a web site too.  I could go on for forever on this topic, instead I’ll point you to the site that states it so much more eloquently than I ever could. It’s also under “Sites I love” in the sidebar of my home page.

http://www.wholebabyrevolution.com/default.html

When a friend heard I was going to approach this topic on my blog, he said something to the tune of: It’s ridiculous for you to write about foreskin, it’s like me writing about a clitoris.

Now, I like this person, and think he’s a good guy, but I was totally taken aback by that.  What a naive thing to say.  If circumcising girls was a culturally accepted practice, and it was something that he would seriously have to consider and think about, then he would make it his business to learn the facts behind his daughter’s clitoris.  This whole topic has NOTHING to do with me having a penis or not.  That fact is irrelevant.  I write about this because it’s important to me.  Call me an activist, extremist, whatever you want.  As a parent of a little boy, this is stuff I have to think about, deal with, and speak out on.  If I don’t advocate for my son while he’s too young to do it for himself, no one will.   I also write this in hopes that maybe someone who is struggling with the choice to circumcise or not, will read this and think twice.

I look at it this way.  Circumcising your son is body modification.  It’s not a medically necessary procedure.   You wouldn’t give your newborn a tattoo, would you?  It would be painful, dangerous, and serve no real purpose, other than to change the way his body looked.

I’m sure this is going to anger some people, some people will be able to relate, and some will try to contradict everything here.  That’s okay by me.  I stand firmly for what I believe to be right.

References:

1. A. B. Hyman and M. H. Brownstein, “Tyson’s ‘Glands’: Ectopic Sebaceous Glands and Papillomatosis Penis,” Archives of Dermatology 99 (1969): 31-37.

2. A. Ahmed and A. W. Jones, “Apocrine Cystadenoma: A Report of Two Cases Occurring on the Prepuce,” British Journal of Dermatology 81 (1969): 899-901.

3. G. N. Weiss et al., “The Distribution and Density of Langerhans Cells in the Human Prepuce: Site of a Diminished Immune Response?” Israel Journal of Medical Sciences 29 (1993): 42-43.

4. P. J. Flower et al., “An Immunopathologic Study of the Bovine Prepuce,” Veterinary Pathology 20 (1983):189-202.

5. Z. Halata and B. L. Munger, “The Neuroanatomical Basis for the Protopathic Sensibility of the Human Glans Penis,” Brain Research 371 (1986): 205-230

6. J. R. Taylor et al., “The Prepuce: Specialized Mucosa of the Penis and Its Loss to Circumcision. British Journal of Urology 77 (1996): 291-295.

7. H. C. Bazett et al., “Depth, Distribution and Probable Identification in the Prepuce of Sensory End-Organs Concerned in Sensations of Temperature and Touch; Thermometric Conductivity,” Archives of Neurology and Psychiatry 27 (1932): 489-517.

8. D. Ohmori, “Über die Entwicklung der Innervation der Genitalapparate als Peripheren Aufnahmeapparat der Genitalen Reflexe,” Zeitschrift für Anatomie und Entwicklungsgeschichte 70 (1924): 347-410.

9. A. De Girolamo and A. Cecio, “Contributo alla Conoscenza dell’innervazione Sensitiva del Prepuzio Nell’uomo,” Bollettino della Societa Italiana de Biologia Sperimentale 44 (1968): 1521-1522.

10. A. S. Dogiel, “Die Nervenendigungen in der Haut der äusseren Genitalorgane des Menschen,” Archiv für Mikroskopische Anatomie 41 (1893): 585-612.

11. A. Bourlond and R. K. Winkelmann, “L’innervation du Prépuce chez le Nouveau-né,” Archives Belges de Dermatologie et de Syphiligraphie 21 (1965): 139-153.

12. R. K. Winkelmann, “The Erogenous Zones: Their Nerve Supply and Its Significance,” Proceedings of the Staff Meetings of the Mayo Clinic 34 (1959): 39-47.

13. R. K. Winkelmann, “The Cutaneous Innervation of Human Newborn Prepuce,” Journal of Investigative Dermatology 26 (1956): 53-67

Thoughts and opinions.

I’m working on a post on circumcision, and would love to hear your thoughts and input on the topic.  I know it’s controversial, and that I’m totally opening a can of worms here, but I would honestly love to hear what you all think.

I have a VERY concrete opinion on the subject, and am going to share it soon, but if you feel like sharing, I’d be interested in whether you circumcised your son, why or why not, and how do you feel about it now?

You can either leave a comment here, or send me a message.  I won’t post anything that you send privately. 

Thanks for your input!!!

Grief

I am so clueless when it comes to parenting.  Sure, I can play trucks and chase Rowan around the yard.  I can read to him, build towers, cook his meals and do his laundry, but I totally fall short with the real stuff. 

Rowan’s first pet died today.  His red beta, named Blub-Blub has been swimming sideways for about two days, and I’ve known he was close to death.  I kept telling myself I’d think of a way to explain it to Rowan, but stuff kept coming up, and it kept slipping my mind.  Then it actually happened, and I was left with absolutely nothing.

While Rowan was in the kitchen having tea with Great (a daily ritual), I fished out Blub-Blub, and hid him in a Tupperware.  I sat Rowan down on his bed, and asked him if he remembered where Mommy’s Bapa is. 

 “In heaven with God.”

“Right, and do you know why he went to heaven?”

“Let’s go outside.”

“Actually, I need to tell you something.”

“What, Mama?”

“Blub-Blub died, Sweetie.  He went up to heaven.”  

Wordlessly he dragged a chair over to the empty fish tank and peered in.  He studied the water for a few moments, looked at me with those huge blue eyes, and started to cry.  Big heaping sobs of grief and anger filled his tiny body.  He fell into my arms and I cried with him.  I wasn’t crying for the fish, but rather the inconsolable pain that my baby was feeling.  He was hurting, and nothing I could do could fix that.  I knew he needed to feel that pain and work through his grief.  I felt so, so helpless.  So inadequate.  I would have done anything to take away his hurt.

As soon as he was able to catch his breath and talk, he just repeated over and over, “He not dead, he not dead.”  I assured him he was, and finally he just settled into my lap, and we quietly sat together for a while. 

I took him out to dinner, just the two of us.  It’s not something we ever really do, so he cheered up a little and started chatting about the dog outside.  Eventually over grilled cheese and french fries the conversation turned to death and heaven, grieving and God.  Guys, I have an amazing son with a huge heart with a great capacity to love.  He’s got an ability to grasp the intangible that I still struggle with.  His innocent, trusting soul can accept without question that his beloved pet is in heaven with Mommy’s Bapa.

This was a hard first lesson on loss for my little man.  He no longer has the advantage of ignorance any more.  He knows things die and go away.  He knows life will hurt him, and that mommy can’t protect him from everything.  As much as this day has been hard, it’s also been a growing and learning experience.  My little boy is one step closer to being a man, and I can’t help but plead for him to stop.  Slow down. 

Rowan seeing Blub-Blub for the first time on his second birthday.

Here’s what’s up-bullet style!

• We’re still alive!!!
• Grandma is still alive!!!  She’s getting worse with every passing day, but then there are moments like this one, and it puts it all into perspective:

 

• Both my dad and my uncle are getting cancer treatments this week.  Dad and mom had to travel for this one, so for the next week I’ll be holding down the fort.  Gratefully they are both doing well, but your continued prayers are much appreciated.
• Rowan is, quite frankly, thriving.  He’s digging school, and excelling.  On non-school days he begs to go, and I don’t blame him-he gets to do stuff like this:

• Personally, my patience, character, and will to do what is right is tried daily.  Between an extraordinarily strong-willed child, and a child-like adult that requires everything to be repeated three or four times, and then still insists that what you are telling her is wrong, I struggle.  I sometimes wonder if I’m cut out for this, but then the end of another day comes, and we’re all still breathing, and sometimes even laughing, and I realize it’s going to be all right.  If this is the growing experience people keep telling me it is, I’m gonna be darn near perfect when this is over. 
• And finally, the picture you’ve all been eagerly anticipating: the ponytail picture!!  I was surprised how many people (mostly from F.B.) wanted photographic proof of the phenomenon that is my long(er)  hair.  I never guaranteed the quality of the photograph, so if it looks a little disheveled, hap-hazard, and like a two year old took it while standing on the lid of his toilet seat, it’s because it was!  So hold on to your britches, because here it is: